This post was originally written by Dhyana around 2014. We thought it would be good to share here as well.
NEGOTIATING ROPEWORK:Negotiating rope scenes for me is a bit tricky, primarily because I typically consider myself something closer to a “rope model” than a “rope bottom”. I am a bendy, yoga doing, self-suspending rope enthusiast who likes to perform and be a ham. The headspace I have as a “rope model” is completely different than the headspace I have as a “rope bottom”.
If I am getting tied as a ROPE MODEL:
- My concern is to make the tie look pretty and hold it for as long as I can for the sake of taking photos, giving performances, etc. Because I want the tie to last and be pretty, I will give feedback about the comfort of the tie and how easy it is to hold certain poses, or weather or not I prefer them to be tweaked/changed. I am not trying to undermine your Divine Toppiness or artistic vision. You are not topping me. We are working together to make something beautiful. The longer I can stay in a tie and the less effort I have to put into maintaining a pose means I can do my best to give justice to the tie I am in by making it as beautiful as I possibly can. You get more time for awesome ropey pictures. I get to be a happy ham. Win-win!
- Practicing new ties to get the mechanics right means I will give you feedback on the ease of the pose, how strenuous or painful I think it is and how long I think an experienced or novice rope bottom might be able to handle it. Don’t be offended if I don’t go into ropey dopey space or if I make suggestions for changes. Again, you are not topping me.
- For the love of all things kinky, if I am acting as a rope model DO NOT start a spontaneous play session while I am tied up. We didn’t negotiate that. I am not in a submissive headspace, nor do I want to be. If you hit me, I will probably hit you back and it will be unlikely I will tie with you in the future.
If I am getting tied as a rope BOTTOM:
- Now you are topping me! Hooray!
- I will still give feedback for the purpose of safety. If I think a nerve is getting compressed or I feel pain that indicates an injury, I will let you know and request the tie be adjusted to prevent injury. This is not topping from the bottom, its me not wanting permanent nerve damage or a torn rotator cuff.
- Negotiate with me beforehand what kind of play session we are going to have.
- Define the goal: People enjoy rope bondage for a whole variety of reasons. You want to have a common goal between top and bottom in any play session you create. Is rope a tool to restrain for other types of play or for sex? Is the goal to create a submissive headspace? Is the goal sexual arousal or gratification? Is the goal to induce pain? Is the goal to make me feel vulnerable/exposed or to make me feel safe/secure? Or is the goal simply to make me feel ropey dopey and show off your mad rope skills? If you don’t discuss goals and they turn out to be mismatched, you have the potential for disaster (Ex: the Top is looking to create a painful tie while the Bottom just wants to feel safe/secure). Make sure they are matched and we will likely have a beautiful scene! :)
- Define the tools: Just rope? Riding crops? Bare hands? Paddles? Canes? Dildos? Penis? Lightsaber? .....you get the picture.
- Define physical limits: If you know all physical limitations in advance, you not only create a safer scene but you can avoid having your scene cut short. (Ex: I have a shoulder injury and find it difficult to hold certain poses for a long time.) Adjust accordingly in the beginning and you can extend the life of your scene.
- If we didn’t talk about it, don’t do it! If we only talked about rope, only use rope. Don’t just ask to tie me up, then start hitting me with a riding crop or groping/fondling me once I’m tied. If we didn’t talk about it, its not on the table. Period.
- So long as everything is safe and within the limits of our negotiations, the way you tie is up to you! You want to make it painful, make it painful. You want to make it ugly and awkward, make it ugly and awkward! I now defer to your Divine Toppiness.
- If you want to take photos of our play session, we can negotiate photos. Just PLEASE make sure you define whether you are wanting me to MODEL for a photoshoot or BOTTOM for a scene that someone will take pictures of.